The Inventor's Bride
by HarperJude
Summary: This is a spoof of the movie the Princess Bride. Instead of Princess Buttercup, Wesly, and the original cast of characters, I've sort of took character's from all over and morphed them into this story ENJOY Dexter Blossom
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Bonding

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Sitting up in bed, Trevor leaned back and forth, swaying with the robotic video game character on the screen of the small handheld video game. His thumbs bashed down on the buttons on either

side of the lower screen of the DS and occasionally he would quickly pull a stylist from its place in the side of the game to bash boxes for bonus points.

He seemed to be doing quite well by the confident smirk on his face, however a large ogre type creature jumped from behind the shadows and quickly gobbled up the little robotic protagonist.

"Chyort!" The boy cursed as he angrily closed the DS and put it on the nightstand next to the bed. He blew a lock of red-orange hair that had fallen onto his forehead back into place as manly as he

could.

"That's not a very nice word," said a male voice said in a bit of a teasing tone as he walked into the room of the little boy, who at the sight of him looked a little shocked.

"Dad! I thought you were at work." Trevor said trying to dodge the fact that his father caught him cussing, which was a major offence in the land of the 9 year olds. But his father stopped leaning

on the doorframe and stepped into the room, his hands behind his back as if he was hiding something.

"Well I thought I'd work from home, it isn't everyday that my only child catches the chicken pox, and I have a little surprise for you."

Trevor's eyes suddenly had a childish glint of wonder of the surprise, but soon he caught a hold of his senses. "Its not gunna explode is it? Remember your last surprise? I mean it was funny when

it set the curtains on fire, but angry Mom is not funny." The young red haired child said in full remembrance of the walky-talky his father made him. It lasted two uses before it went up in smoke,

the inventor's wife was furious at him, (which she rarely was) for giving their son a dangerous toy, that was one of the days that would go down in infamy.

Trevor's dad let out a sigh, he was still smiling, but did have a minor look of annoyance at his son's allegations, however he was a little proud for his son to play it on the smart side, but this time he

was convinced it wouldn't go off like a Roman Candle. "Don't worry, this gift is guaranteed not to blow up, and if it does, you can blame your mother, it was her idea of 'Father Son bonding'" he said

as he made heavy air quotes around "Father Son bonding" with one hand and kept the gift behind his back with the other.

"I think you've waited enough, your surprise is—Da-Da-Da-Dah! A story book that's older than God!" The man said jokingly as he pulled the book from behind his back and dropped it on Trevor's

lap, dust came off it when it landed. The boy just eyed the book.

"I know," Trevor's dad said reading his son's expression "it would not be my first choice to spend a Tuesday off from school, however, you need to work on your reading skills a little bit and

apparently this was the book your Grandfather read your mother when she was your age, and if I don't read it to you now she'll eat my soul!" Trevor laughed at the final comment before

scratching at some of the red bumps on his arm. Trevor's mom was a very kind and patient women, however being an English teacher that never ended up going back after maturity leave, she was

very passionate about her sons need to read for pleasure.

"Dad are you sure we can't just go blow things up in the garage slash Porto lab and just say we read that dusty old thing? Please!" Trevor blinked his sea blue eyes, hidden behind a pair of glasses

up at his father who just rolled his own set of matching blue eyes hidden behind his own set of glasses.

"Trust me you'll like this book, its filled with destruction and unneeded violence! There's fencing, murder, pirates, kidnapping, torture, revenge, all that good stuff. Just try to stay awake." And with

that, Trevor's dad opened the pages of the dusty old book, and began the story.


	2. Chapter 2

_Blossom was raised in a small town in the land of Townsville. _Trevor's father read aloud. _Her favorite pastimes were riding her horse and tormenting the young inventor's apprentice that worked _

_there. His name was Dexter, but she never called him that— Isn't that a wonderful beginning?_

_--Nothing gave Blossom as much pleasure as ordering Dexter around_.

"Smart Boy, return these books back to the library by sundown, I know how much you go there." Blossom said as she walked up to the small table in the back of the invention shop. Dexter just

looked up from building a small robotic bird and said as plain as day "As you wish."

'_As you wish', was all he ever said._

"Smart boy, my pocket watch has stopped running, fix it for me." Blossom said to Dexter as he was drawing plans for a new idea "Please" she added after he stared at her for a moment, but soon

he smirked and said, "As you wish."

_That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying, "As you wish" what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day Blossom realized that she truly loved him _

_back. _

"Smart boy," Blossom said as Dexter was getting ready to leave from delivering a package to the flower shop in which she worked, Dexter turned around immediately "Uh—um—fetch me that ink

pot." Blossom said, even though the ink pot was only just out of arms reach of where she was standing, she needed to find some way to make Dexter stay a little longer. The genius smirked and

walked up to the fair damsel, picking up the inkpot and handing it to her, genially whispering, "As you wish." Blossom smiled her brilliant smile, knowing that their love was truly true. And with

that, the next time she saw the brilliant man, she embraced him and—

"_Hold it. Hold it." Trevor said, interrupting his father "What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the action?! Is this a kissing book?" _

"_Wait," The man reading the story replied to the boy, "Just wait"_

"_Well when's it get good?"_

"_Hold your horses, let me read." _

_Dexter had no money for marriage, so he packed his few belongings and a couple successful inventions, and went to seek his fortune across the sea. It was a very emotional time for Blossom _

_(Trevor: I don't believe this!) _

"I fear I'll never see you again." Blossom said, she held her love at the limits of the town.

"Of course you will," Dexter said trying to reassure his love that he would be back

"But what if something happens?" Blossom asked still not convinced. The seas were a dangerous place for even the greatest fighters. And while Dexter had a mind that could challenge any

resonance master, he wasn't exactly strong. Blossom had to admit he was pretty swift from having to dodge small explosions and flying gears from malfunctioning inventions, but he had never

been out of the town before, never in a fight before, he could mentally take care of himself, but he didn't have the physical standards to back it up.

"Hear this now, I will always come back for you."

"But how can you be sure?"

"Because this is true love, you think this happens everyday?" Dexter said as he loosened his hug with Blossom to look her in the eyes. And with one finally passionate kiss, Dexter left down the

road to the wonders ahead.

_Dexter didn't reach his destination; the Dreaded Pirate Number 1 who never left prisoners alive attacked the ship he was on. When Blossom got the news that Dexter was murdered, (Trevor: _

_Murdered by pirates is good) she went to her room, and shut the door. For days she neither slept nor ate._

"I shall never love again." Blossom said as she sat on her bed, slowly staring at the fire burning in the furnace.

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_Five years later, the main square of Townsville was filled as never before, to hear the announcement of the great Prince Brick's bride-to-be."_

"My people!" The prince yelled down to the mod of people standing below the castle balcony in which he was standing "One month from now, our country shall have its 500th anniversary. On that

sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves, but perhaps, you will not find her _common _anymore. Now would you like to meet her?"

The crowd responded with positive shouts of wonder about who on earth this lady could be.

"My people!" Brick started again "Princess Blossom!"

All heads turned to the opening that lead from the castle to the town square. A set of trumpets were blown in a fanfare for the lady that walked down the velvet carpet towards the crowd. Blossom

was dressed in a beautiful white gown, a crown rested lightly on her fiery hair. She was living every girl's dream, but still her face looked despondent, woeful. Slowly the villagers around her began

to kneel around the soon to be queen.

_Blossom's emptiness consumed her. For though the law of the land gave Brick the right to choose his bride, she did not love him. _

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_Despite Brick's reassurance that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride. _

"A word my lady?" said the shortest of three men standing at this side of the road. He was very short; his wrinkled squinted eyes were hidden behind large glasses. Next to him was a taller man,

blond hair; he looked the same age as Blossom, maybe a little older. And lastly stood a giant man, he was strangely purple and inhumanly muscular. "We are but poor lost circus performers. Is

there a village near by?"

"There is nothing near by, not for miles."

"Then there shall be no one to hear you scream." Said the short man again. A wave of fear shook through Blossom, as the largest of the three men moved closer to her. She tried to begin to

scream, but by the time she opened her throat, the purple man's hand grabbed the back of her neck, knocking her out instantly.


	3. Chapter 3

Standing next to Princess Blossom's now unmanned horse, was the shortest of the three men. He was ripping at what looked like a big, black velvet cloth.

"What is that you're ripping?" asked the blond man from before, with an English accent in play. He was untying the group's getaway boat from the notch on the harbor to which it was tied.

"It's fabric from a uniform of an officer of Endsville."

"Who's Endsville?" The large purple man said, holding the unconscious princess bridal style.

"The country across the Sea," piped up the smallest man again, "the sworn enemy of Townsville! Go!" He said as he smacked the horse on the hindquarters to make it start running. "Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the prince suspects that Endsvillians have taken his love. When he finds her body dead on the Endsville frontier, his suspicions will be totally conformed."

"You never said anything about killing anyone." The purple man said, showing a sign of kindness.

"I've hired you to help me start a war," the short man explained. "It's a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition."

"I just don't think its right, killing an innocent girl," the giant said, still fighting for the captive's life.

"Am I going mad," said the shortest man again, an air of anger arising, "or did the word 'THINK' escape your lips! You were not hired for your brains, you hippopatanical landmass!"

"I agree with Krunck," the blond Englishman said as he boarded the ship.

"Well the sod has spoken!" the shortest man said still trying to convince everyone to kill the girl. "What happens to her is not truly your concern. I will kill her! And remember this, NEVER forget this, when I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy!" he said pointing a finger at the blond man's face, "And you!"

" he said turning towards the giant "Friendless! Brainless! Helpless!

Hopeless! Do you want me to send you back where you were? Unemployed in _Greenland_!"

The Englishman walked up to Krunck. "That Kamikaze, he can fuss!"

"Fuss, fuss..." Krunck started. "I think he like to scream at us!" he said pleased with himself for rhyming.

The blond man caught on, about what the giant was doing so he played along, "Probably he means no harm"

"He's really very short on charm!" Krunck said happily.

"You have a great gift for rhyme," said the smaller of the two men still playing.

"Yes, yes, some of the time!"

"Enough of that!" cried Dr. Kamikaze

"Krunck, are there rocks ahead?" the blond said defiantly to the purple giant.

"If there are, we all be dead!"

"No more rhyming now, I mean it!"

"Anybody want a peanut?"

"DYEEAAHHHHHH!" Kamikaze cried in anguish.

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"We'll reach the cliffs by dawn" Kamikaze said, sure of himself. Krunck seemed to not care, and all the Englishman did was look over his shoulder at the water behind them. "Why are you doing that?" asked the shortest man, a little angry with the blond for his actions.

"Are you sure nobody is following us?" said the man whose actions were questioned.

"That would be inconceivable," the doctor responded, using one of his favorite words.

"Despite what you think," said a female voice sternly, "you will be caught, and when you are, the prince will see you all hanged." Princess Blossom had awoken from her involuntary nap, and even though she didn't know exactly what was going on, she was going to try to level the playing field. However Kamikaze was much too proud to be lowered by the probable truth.

"Of all the necks on this boat highness, the one you should be worried about is your own. Blossom just looked away, face still stone cold.

"Stop doing that!" Kamikaze said to the Englishman one more time. "We can all relax, it's almost over."

"Are you sure nobody is following us?"

"As I said before that would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Endsville knows what we've done. And no one in Townsville could have gotten here so fast. Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"Well I just happened to look behind us and there is somebody there."

"What!?" said Kamikaze as he got up to check what on earth the man was talking about. It was on the horizon and didn't look like a ship, per se, but there was indeed somebody out their making their way closer to them. "It's probably just a local fisherman, out on a pleasure cruise at night though eel infested waters."

Before the shortest man could get a hold of how stupid that notion was, a loud splashing noise came from the side of the ship. In an attempt to free herself from her almost murderers, Princess Blossom swam as fast as she could towards the shore.

"GO IN! GO AFTER HER!" Kamikaze ordered to the blond haired man

"B-b-bu-but I don't swim." he stuttered in reply proving a minor fear of the water,

Kamikaze looked at the giant. "I only doggy paddle" was Krunck's excuse.

"GAAHHH!" The shortest man screamed in anger as he ordered his crew to veer left. He kept chanting, "left" as his captive moved closer to shore. Soon a ghostly howl echoed through the water stopping the Princess in her tracks. She looked around frantically to see where the ghastly noise was coming from.

"You know what that sound is Highness?" mocked the short, black-haired man. "Those are the shrieking eels. You don't believe me? Just wait! They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh!"

Blossom, already terrified, gasped in horror as one of the giant eels brushed up against her body.

"Ya swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels."

The eel turned its head around, towards Blossom.

Its mouth was open, still shrieking, but it showed row after row of extremely sharp teeth. It readied itself to charge and

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"She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time." Said Trevor's dad as he looked up from the book. His son had hidden everything except his head under his blankets,

"What?" asked Trevor, relaxing a bit. Even though he was into the story, he was a little disappointed by the current lack of gore.

"The eel doesn't get her, I'm explaining to you because you look nervous."

"I wasn't nervous." Trevor said as he unballed his blanket from his chest. His dad gave him a look that was both disbelieving and mocking at the same time. "Well maybe I was a little bit concerned, but that's not the same thing." Trevor added, a very nine-year-old thing to say.

"Because we can stop now if you want."

"No, you could read a little bit more, if you want." Trevor said trying to act like he wasn't completely into the story.

His father nodded his head and raised his hand in a way that said, "sure, sure, whatever you want."

"Do you know what that sound is Highness, those are the shrieking eels…" Trevor's father began to read aloud.

"Dad, you read it already."

"Oh! Oh, my goodness, I did. I'm sorry. Beg your pardon." He said in a way only a teasing father could. "Alright, alright let's see, she was in the water, the eel was comin' after her, she was frightened, the eel started to charge her, and then—"

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A massive hand whapped the eel over the head. The princess was grabbed by the back collar of her red dress by the same hand, and then dragged on the boat.

"Put her down! Just put her down." Kamikaze ordered to the giant, even though Krunck had every intention to put her down in the first place. The blond man looked to the back of the ship again, the thing following them was still there.

"I think he's getting closer," the blond man said, British drawl in play.

"He's no concern of ours! Sail on!" Kamikaze said, and then turned to the princess. "I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?"

"Only compared to some." Blossom replied.


End file.
